20 January 2012

The Republican horror show


So the original eight Republican candidates have been winnowed by half. Nein-nein-nein, the wicked witch, the sane guy, and the moron have quit. The remaining choices are a plastic financial vampire, a megalomaniac Elmer Gantry pit bullfrog with a short fuse, Christine O'Donnell in drag, and that doddering old Jim Crow relic who insists on coming down from the attic every four years to embarrass the rest of the family. Aren't you glad you're not a Republican primary voter?

Don't feel too sorry for those who are, though. Remember how they booed an American soldier, cheered for letting the uninsured die, and gave a standing ovation when the bullfrog put the only black guy in the room in his place for daring to bring up racism. We're not exactly talking the cream of the gene pool here. We've all known people like this -- the kind that lick their fingertips, leave the sound on during TV commercials, and think it's OK to be fat. Now they've stuck tea-bags on their hats and become a political movement. They probably couldn't spell "illiterate" (or even the N-word, apparently), but think they understand the Constitution better than the Supreme Court does. When the bullfrog vented outrage that his ex-wife would do to him what he did to Bill Clinton, these Morlocks drooled with adoration; in fact, they're poised to yank South Carolina out from under the vampire and present it to him as a token of their esteem. And the vampire's looking scared that his tax returns will prove to be the ray of sunlight that crumbles him to dust -- which may well be the case.

The Democrats have been granted the prayer of Voltaire. I'm starting to think this year just might bring us a landslide.

9 Comments:

Blogger Ahab said...

I watched the first twenty minutes of the GOP debate last night, and was baffled that Ron Paul of all people was the adult in the room. Santorum, Gingrich, and Romney spent their time making swipes at each other like catty middle-schoolers. I felt like I was watching three members of the Rich Good Ol' Boys club duking it out. What a joke.

20 January, 2012 06:48  
Anonymous krissthesexyatheist said...

Whoza the same guy, Huntsman and his team of hotties. Latest is that the Newt wanted to go swinger with one of his million wivesw and she wasn't into it. It's easy, just deny it a dn call it a media conspiracy. I would welcome a landslide as you called it, but recall Florida and gore. we all thought "there is no way Bush can win", "wee are gonna landslide all over you guys"and I think that peeps stayed home and didn't vote. Let's hope that is not the case. Awesome buddy, all everything is going well-n-stuff,

Kriss

20 January, 2012 07:03  
Blogger mendip said...

Love the Voltaire quote. And agree with your comments on the GOP. If Romney gets the nomination, (and I think that that is a strong possibility, regardless of the results from South Carolina), it means there will be a lot of angry tea partiers and fellow travelers who will feel betrayed, etc. And a good chance that they'll bolt the party, given half a chance. You'll note that Palin endorsed Newt - just for this primary. Even saying something along of the lines of hoping the contest would go on in the grueling way that it has. I'll be curious if she and one or more others will run as a "protest", then. It won't really be for political reasons. But, as Cain, Trump, and others have reasoned out, running for President can now also be a career move - for book deals, speaking fees and that all important commentator chair on Fox. It would be the supreme irony, for a cynical slash & burn capitalist like Mittens, to be politically done in by a similarly cynical approach to electioneering.

20 January, 2012 12:12  
Blogger Infidel753 said...

Ahab: There's a lot of bad blood between their respective supporters too, based on what I'm seeing on Republican sites. Let's hope they stay divided.

KTSA: This is why I often caution against overconfidence. And don't forget that Congress is just as important as the Presidency. We need to not only re-elect Obama but also take Congress back.

Mendip: I'm sure it's true that at least some of them have been running as an attention-getting device, not out of hope of actually winning. I still wouldn't be surprised if Palin jumps in as a third candidate eventually, for the media attention, once she's sure there'd be no danger of winning and facing the drudgery of actually being President. In the meantime, her endorsement will probably boost Gingrich, since she still has a cult following.

20 January, 2012 18:42  
Blogger Shaw Kenawe said...

"...but think they understand the Constitution better than the Supreme Court does."

Hell, who needs to understand the Constitution better than the SCOTUS? Mr. Toad promises to ignore or disobey the SCOTUS and any ruling he dislikes.

That's the way it's done in a dictatorship, innit?

I haven't seen one word about this remarkable promise on conservative blogs that Mr. Toad made in front of the American people--a promise to commit high crimes and misdemeanors as soon as he becomes president.

But then, this sort of insanity has become commonplace in this Season of the Horrors, and, I fear, the American people have become numb to it all.

Here's another thing to keep you awake at night:

Independents are still not sure who they would vote for in the general election.

21 January, 2012 06:27  
Blogger Infidel753 said...

The teabaggers at least claim to revere the Constitution, or at least their own grotesquely-warped image of it. Gingrich, of course, is bolder, and most teabaggers are unconcerned because this is mostly about who gives off the right signals (Gingrich's anger and contempt), not about policy positions.

I'd expect a lot of uncertainty in polls of independents since the Democrats haven't really started campaigning yet, and many people are quite sensibly not paying much attention to the election yet (Republican voters are the exception since it's now their primary season). And the assumption has been that Romney would be the Republican candidate. But if it's Mr. Toad, well, most people don't much like him.

21 January, 2012 06:41  
Blogger Leslie Parsley said...

I'm sure there are some sane, knowledgeable Republicans out there which probably, more than anything else, explains why none of them have any desire to throw their hats in the ring. They wouldn't have a chance in hell with all the Yahoos out there.

21 January, 2012 09:25  
Blogger Nance said...

I AM a Republican Primary voter and it was a hoot! This is an open primary and anyone can vote in it. I thought the lady at the polling sign-in was going to have a stroke: "You're a Republican, right?" - Nope. "An Independent, then." - Nope. "You're a DEMOCRAT!?!" It's a wonder I came out alive.

Cast my vote for Santorum, the man who has a little shot here to beat Gingrich and Romney, and the guy I'd most like to see debating Mr. Obama shortly. I agree with him: he'd make it a nice, clear choice in November. America would have to ask itself whether it really, really believes all that moralistic mumbo-jumbo he spouts or not.

21 January, 2012 14:14  
Blogger Infidel753 said...

LP: There are some, and they're obviously frustrated. I read a few Republican sites and in the last couple of days I've seen a few people (confirmed Republicans) say things like "If Gingrich is the nominee, I'm voting for Obama."

Nance: I'm sure Santorum appreciates it. He's the nuttiest of the four remaining candidates, but paradoxically also the dullest. If he somehow became the nominee I don't know if Obama would bother to debate -- it would probably be a 40-plus-state blow-out regardless.

21 January, 2012 14:41  

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