02 December 2010

Christmas cheer

Korans roasting on an open fire.....
Jazzed cops nabbing pedo priests.....
You'll find gays being wed as they desire.....
And folks defiling eucharists.....

What a year it's been! But as December begins, one's thoughts turn to Christmas shopping. Some people aren't so easy to buy for, but I've thought of a few appropriate gifts.....

For Rich Iott: a catalog of Halloween costumes, clown suits, and ComicCon outfits, because anything, absolutely anything, would be an improvement.

For Christine O'Donnell: a vibrator with plausible deniability.

For Pastor Terry Jones: a Koran printed on flame-proof paper, in the hope that he'll realize the best way to attack Islam is to make people read the damn thing, not burn it.

For Joe Miller; a heavy-duty electric razor, so he can finally stop looking like he spent last night in a dumpster.

For Sarah Palin: a detailed map of East Korea, so she can work on planning the first war she'll start if she ever becomes President. Also a note-pad, so she doesn't need to go back to the writing-on-the-hand thing.

For Richard Dawkins: another year of his ideal arch-enemy.

For the racists of the world: a lesson from the salamanders.

For the altar boys of the world: spray-on relief.

For Senate Democrats: a spine apiece.

For the Hollywood movie industry: the collected works of Larry Niven, Brian Lumley, William Barton, and Richard Matheson, in the hopes of inspiring some decent science-fiction and fantasy movies (and a round of floggings for what they've already done to I Am Legend).

For the office HOPA: Jenny's chutzpah.

For the Pope: Tim Minchin on an endless loop, so he can finally get it through his skull how he and his look to the rest of the world.

For the Tea Party movement: all the Thunderbird they can drink, in the hopes that they'll adopt it as their new symbol and cease to sully own my favorite beverage by associating themselves with it. (Calling them thunderbirds instead of teabaggers would actually fit well -- it would evoke the marionettes from the old kids' TV show, who acted like mighty warriors but were actually cheap puppets manipulated by barely-hidden string-pullers.)

And finally, for all of those liberals who react to every defeat by proclaiming the end of all hope, the death of democracy, the final triumph of fascism, etc.: this posting.


Blogger Ranch Chimp said...

Buenos Dias Infodel!

Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh .... Great Christmas Greeting's posting indeed! (Really a good un Bud) :)

And since the ole Chimp here is in the spirit ... I'd like to even extend a lil ole Holiday "shout out" to all my loved one's in the GOP of Congress, who along with their Senate homies, are playing the "hostage game" on the Bush Tax Cut issue, by using America's unemployed to deny them a extension of benefit's, unless they get their way on extending all Bush Tax cut's, and using every other issue they can to stall progress, even on issue's like DADT and other shit, if they were dealing with me, the only olive branch these MF's would get would be knee deep in their asses. :)

But Merry Fucken Christmas to all you Mother Fucker's ... and I hope your seat warming, slacking asses, get a good case of hemorroid's this MF'n Christmas .... heh, heh, heh, heh, heh ... and I would love to supply your sorry asses with some homemade hemorroid medicine that has some of my favourite Habanero Chili Pepper's in it ... teach you mother fucker's how to really do some seat warming and set your asshole's on fire while doing it! Like to send some of you MF's to Afghanistan to do a lil fighting, get your asses in shape too!

With Love ... The Ranch Chimp! :)

02 December, 2010 07:00  
Blogger LadyAtheist said...

For House Democrats: a smack upside the head

For the Supreme Court: a smack upside the head

For Lou Dobbs, his own hate-spewing innuendo-inventing zenophobic show on FOX "News" ... oh wait...

For John McCain a few tours in Afghanistan in a rusty Hummer with a gay soldier riding shotgun. Where is the biggest risk to your morale now, dumbass?

For the assholes who want to have evolution taught in schools, a trip to a real museum of natural history

For the people who object to stem-cell research from frozen embryos, a few embryos implanted into their uteri, and if they don't have a uterus, they can have one of those implanted too. If they aren't healthy enough for that, they can have a deformed "baby" that some retard insists can't be given a late-term abortion. Let them see what it's like to watch a deformed baby die.

02 December, 2010 09:31  
Blogger Infidel753 said...

RC & LA, you both have some very suitable gift ideas there (though I think you mean "assholes who don't want to have evolution taught in schools").

Congress is definitely on Santa's "bad" list this year.....

02 December, 2010 14:13  
Blogger tnlib said...

Wonderful. Great shopping list. "Jesus fuck a shit soufflé" is still my all-time favorite - and always will be.

02 December, 2010 15:42  
Blogger Shaw Kenawe said...

To every benighted Tea Bagger enthralled with Sarah, I gift them this in a shiney green and red package with a pretty tinsely shiny bow to unwrap and listen to forevah and evah and evah:


02 December, 2010 17:08  
Blogger Robert the Skeptic said...

I was going to gift making the tax breaks permanent for the top 2% of the wealthy in this country but it appears Obama is going to give that to them instead. But at least is not doing "nothing" - he's freezing the wages of federal employees.

02 December, 2010 17:12  
Blogger Infidel753 said...

TNLib: Thanks. I like to think that if I do feel driven to swear, I at least do it with some degree of style.

SK: Gaaack.....The very thought of her being "involved in negotiations" with Russia! Well, it's had four million views -- maybe some people are opening their Christmas gift early.

RtS: There may be hope yet -- last news I heard, the House has passed an extension of the tax cuts excluding the highest earners, which has provoked Boehner to some swearing of his own. Let's hope the Senate puts those spines to good use.

02 December, 2010 18:24  
Anonymous nonnie9999 said...

tis the season (and the end of reason)!

02 December, 2010 19:09  

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