13 September 2009

Dating games

I've long been intrigued by the advice that women-oriented publications give their readers for dealing with men. When I saw the headline "Five dates that will drive him wild", promising ideas for "truly guy-friendly get-togethers that might just make him fall for you, and fast", I immediately thought, "Let's see what their ideas are -- would they work with me?" I'm not 100% typical -- who is? -- but I'm a guy. OK, here goes:

1. Treat Him to a Manly Dish. Dainty morsels artfully arranged on a plate just won't cut it for your hungry man, so take him out for his favorite food — the kind he can eat with his hands. Barbecue sandwiches, ribs, burgers, and pizza are all palate pleasers for the testosterone-toting sex. Pick a place where you can get as sloppy as you want (bonus points for lustily licking your fingers).

Well, I don't eat any of those kinds of food, but certainly a lot of people do. There are a lot of men who genuinely prefer things like French or Thai food to burgers or ribs, though, so you're better off asking the guy what "his favorite food" is. But wait a minute, what was that last part?

bonus points for lustily licking your fingers

YUCK! I can't offhand think of anything a woman could do while eating that would turn me off as quickly as this. Believe it or not, ladies, many of us did not learn our table manners in a pigsty -- and it's a definite plus with us if you didn't either.

2. Get on the Green. Book a few evening hours on a driving range and he'll feel luckier than Tiger Woods. Working up a sweat under the stars with you at his side ... it's hotter than anything the PGA has ever done. Don't be afraid to "putt" him in his place by wagering a bet that you can outdrive him. The loser has to soothe the winner's aching muscles.

Personally I've never had any interest in sports of any kind. It's true that a lot of guys are into sports, but golf? Surely a minority taste. Most guys who are into sports would probably prefer taking you out to a football or baseball game.

3. Do a Dive-Bar Crawl. What guy doesn't feel right at home in a laid-back bar that's dark and has permanent patrons situated on the stools? Yes, you can suck it up at least once. By hopping from one lowbrow site to another, he can sample different brews, and fortunately for you, treating him to drinks all night won't break the bank.

I've never been able to go to bars, because until recently they allowed smoking (and in most of the country they probably still do), but my impression is that they tend to be too noisy to talk in. Still, this might work for some men. Just don't expect much from him later on after all that drinking, in terms of coherent conversa-tion or otherwise. Large quantities of alcohol tend to "soften a guy up", if you get my drift.

4. Kick It Up at a Carnival. Scope out a local amusement park on a brisk autumn night and pull a gallant role-reversal by winning him a prize at the dunking booth. Then let him cling to you on the wild roller-coaster rides. Sweeten the deal with fairground treats like fried dough and cotton candy, then top it off with a make-out ride on the Ferris wheel.

Good advice, if you are Mary Kay Letourneau. I thought those places were for kids? Might appeal to some (adults), but you need to know beforehand whether he's one of them. Watch out if he shows too much enthusiasm for the dunking-booth idea.

5. Be King and Queen of the Mattress. Have him put on his pj's (you wear a sexy nightie) and stay in bed the entire evening. You can play music, sip wine, eat takeout, rent movies, give each other massages, read him a book, and play video games (well, it is a date for him) — all in the sack. Warning: Boudoir-confined activity is highly addictive, so you may have trouble taking him out on the town again.

OK, I'll give them that one. Skip the video games, though. Some of us are over 15, even mentally.

Seriously, "how to handle men" advice has the same inherent flaw as "how to handle women" advice -- every person is different. But I'll give the author here credit for at least not taking the route that most women's-magazine advice about men seems to follow -- just telling the readers what they want to hear.


Blogger Ranch Chimp said...

This was actually educational to me ... because I have never been to a dating service business or site...they been around for year's to...even before this internet popularity...single's bar's,meet group setting's, you name it. I dated a few gal's over the year's, but one of the thing's that I noticed(just me personally) that there was quite a difference in the way they are...even gal's I known just on a personal level. Lord know's I never knew what to expect out of any gal...and never seen two alike in their want's and need's...maybe a few gender similarities...but many...including my own daughter's are very different on what they like I noticed and how they deal with thing's.

On some thing's I reckon I'm like some guy's...I do like sport's, but I am also very limited on what I like.I mean...if a gal invited me to a football game ... I would be on my knee's for her probably! I love football and hockey, and even watching good top boxing match-up's. But I sware...I cannot watch the sport's that are sweeping the sport's channel's of today...call me old fashioned or whatever cause I am...they now consider poker,table tennis, fishing etc as sport's ...I cant even watch golf ...I absolutely hate fishing...and most men like that,that I know...I dont think there is anything that bores me to death more than waiting for a goddamn fish to bite my line...I tried it and got edgy because of how slow and boring it was. I love barbeque rib's...but I hate anything that I have to constantly lick and wipe off my finger's and face...and that sauce...dont just "lick" off...you got to wash that crap out good,or else it get's on every damn thing you touch.Nor do I care if I have to eat with my hand's...fork's and knive's alway's worked well for me. I know alot of fella's too...and fella's have a hell of alot of their own difference's too. Actually I've known some gal's that love football. I used to work with a couple rural raised Texas gal's ...who were country gal's to the max...good lookin as hell too...if you dont mind a gal who think's dressing nice is some nice fitting jean's and some cowgirl boot's, like's horseback and drive's pick-up's, who could talk about last night's Cowboy's game at work...from start to lunch break...play by play too! And they like alot of thing's that are commonly refered to as guy thing's. I even been to the gun range with some gal's who can shoot the big arm's as good as any man I met. Now I know some fella's may not necessarily get attracted to a gal like that...and may want a gal more ... I reckon...softer or whatever. My daughter in the picture with me...I put behind the wheel at about age 8/9...and under the hood of a car...today at 24 year's old, even though she is a Intl.Mktg.Specialist by profession...on weekend's she love's to get the sport's car out on a rural freeway...and hotrod, drive's better than alot of fella's I've seen...and can tear the road up and stop at the drop of a hat! And she's not into cooking brownies for her boyfriend's too much.She's also a big football fan. Were all different...I agree.

Thanx...interesting piece guy....

13 September, 2009 08:22  
Anonymous rita said...

& to think Cosmopolitan magazine rehashes this stuff every month. Just google Cosmopolitan cover images.
The magazine is actually one big advertisement aimed at female consumers. As for it's advice? My sister loves the magazine & she's been married five times.

13 September, 2009 08:47  
Anonymous rita said...

I'm not 100% typical -- who is? -- but I'm a guy.
True ;) you are not typical & that's a good thing IMO.
Actually, I know you would hate all of those dates, except the last one with modifications of course.

13 September, 2009 08:50  
Blogger Infidel753 said...

RC: they now consider poker,table tennis, fishing etc as sport's ...I cant even watch golf ...I absolutely hate fishing...and most men like that,that I know...I dont think there is anything that bores me to death more than waiting for a goddamn fish to bite my line...

I seem to recall reading that what we now think of as "sports" originated in nomadic societies as activities to help young men develop the skills and physical fitness necessary for military combat. A lot of running, horse-riding, wrestling, that sort of thing. I think it was the Mongols who had a sport which involved shooting an arrow through a small ring while seated on the back of a galloping horse.

Since then, the definition has broadened steadily, until it now includes things like golf -- which one writer once defined as "the attempt to hit a small ball into an even smaller hole, using inplements singularly ill-designed for the purpose" -- or, as you say, sitting around holding a fishing rod and simply waiting for an animal even stupider than the worm you stuck on your hook to try biting it. The Mongols would not be impressed.

Rita: My sister loves the magazine & she's been married five times.

So she catches them, but finds she doesn't want to keep them?

True ;) you are not typical & that's a good thing IMO.

Well, I hope so.:-)

Actually, I know you would hate all of those dates, except the last one with modifications of course.

Well, it's hard to go wrong inviting a guy to bed.:-)

13 September, 2009 09:26  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


OK, now seriously: Who writes this crap?

Finger-licking? Unless you are under the age of 2, do.not.even.try.it. EVER.

And past age 12, finger-licking performed by a person of any gender should be punishable by... dunno, someting serious. Public flogging. Or at least a slap on the offending wrist.

As a woman married to (the same) man for close to a quarter of a century and mother of two young men, I can say, with some certainty, that this advice is completely useless (with the exception of no. 5, which is a no-brainer for anyone, male or female, IMO).

Bars? Carnivals? Sports? My goodness...


13 September, 2009 14:00  

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