03 April 2018

Improving words (3)

Some more revised word definitions, based on what the words visibly should mean.....

Artisanal:  I suppose it is, if you paint with shit

Carbuncle:  Your mother's brother who likes the sweet stuff

Copulate:  Officer, I expected you a lot earlier

Democrat:  To rescind one's ridicule of a rodent

Detergent:  To scare away an honorable man

Discuss:  To retract one's profanity

Godspeed:  He's taken a leak for forty days and forty nights

Homophone:  A telephone reserved for gay people (suggested by Shaw Kenawe)

I Ching:  What happens when you use that ancient Chinese gag item, the i ching pao da

Important:  A small insect bought from another country

Investigator:  A capitalist animal related to the crocodile

Leonard:  The most effective place to kick a lion

Napkin:  Relatives you take brief sleeps with

Panama:  To give a mother a negative review

Plaintiff:  A quarrel, but not a fancy one

Prosecute:  An adorable piece of writing

Redolent:  To repeat a Catholic observance

Sinister:  An immoral river comprising the northern border of the eastern Roman Empire

Truculent:  The hauling vehicle I borrowed from you

Previous "improving words" posts here and here.


Blogger Adam said...

Funny how some words do make little sense, they are named this because....because

03 April, 2018 21:04  
Blogger Donna said...

I just love how your mind works.

04 April, 2018 05:05  
Blogger Ami said...

What's with everything being 'artisanal' or 'artisan'?

EVERYTHING. From the little beady things old ladies (me) hang their glasses around their necks on to bread.

Saw a logo a couple months ago. Through the unfortunate use of smaller and larger font sizes, instead of artisanal cheese, it said Art is Anal Cheese.

Depending on the art, I suppose that's rather apt.

04 April, 2018 05:59  
Blogger Professor Chaos said...

Dang! I had to read most of these at least twice to get them. Once I did, I had to tip my cap to you. Well done.

04 April, 2018 14:43  
Blogger Infidel753 said...

Adam: Just doing my part to make them make sense.....

Donna: I cackle with Satanic glee!

Ami: Ads overuse anything that seems trendy. That's why things become clich├ęs so fast. I bet the person who chose those font sizes was a corporate peon who decided to do a little subversion.

Professor: Thanks! There's more where those came from -- see the links at the bottom.

04 April, 2018 18:58  
Blogger Shaw Kenawe said...

Sprayed coffee all over the keyboard on Godspeed!

These are so clever and so much fun!

Here're a few contributions:

blog second string fire wood
author a golden Norse god
things slim musical notes
bottom an automated program with a guy's name
Funny The Big Apple

05 April, 2018 12:31  
Blogger Infidel753 said...

Heh.....I'll be using some of those.

07 April, 2018 11:05  

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