06 March 2018

Improving words (2)

Back in December, I suggested (inspired by this) that our language would be much better if words simply meant what they appear to mean, and modestly proposed a few re-definitions to improve things.  Since then, a few more have occurred to me:

Bipolar:  Attracted to polar bears of both genders

Bishop:  A store for bisexuals

Cistern:  A non-transsexual bird

Console:  To swindle a specific type of fish

Contest:  The final exam at scammer school

Contraband:  A Nicaraguan rebel music group from the eighties

Contract:  A scam religious booklet

Current:  Lease payments on a nasty dog

Debunk:  To throw someone out of bed

Delay:  To stuff an egg back into the chicken

Design:  To remove an indication (SK)

Dim Sum:  Calculator batteries running low

Drag race:  An entire race of men who wear women's clothing

Exuberant:  A small insect which formerly provided transport

Fasten:  To speed something up

Grimace:  A bleak playing card (SK)

Hosting:  A police operation to entrap prostitutes

Increment:  The opposite of excrement

Madagascar:  A rage-fueled automobile

Pillage:  The medication era (SK)

Polygon:  You can't find your parrot

Protestant:  A small insect who objects to things

Relay:  What a chicken will do after you delay its egg

Spartan:  A sunburn suitable for a boxing match

Template:  That short-term employee is never on time

Thorax:  I thought he carried a hammer

Vanish:  Resembling a box-like vehicle (SK)

Oh, and is it any wonder that Thailand gets so many sex tourists when the country's name looks like it should be pronounced "Thigh-land", the capital is Bangkok, the main tourist island is called Phuket, and so many women's names end in "-porn"?

(Items marked SK were suggested by Shaw Kenawe in a comment on the original post.)


Blogger Jono said...

These are terrific. I like a fresh approach to vocabulary!

06 March, 2018 09:04  
Blogger Donna said...


06 March, 2018 13:47  
Blogger Shaw Kenawe said...

You've outdone yourself, Infidel753. Very, very clever. I'm too tired after teaching ESOL classes and explaining homophones to them.

You do know what homophones are, don't you?

And no, they're not!

07 March, 2018 13:52  
Blogger Infidel753 said...

Thanks everyone!

You do know what homophones are, don't you? And no, they're not!

OK, but I am absolutely using that one if I ever post another of these lists :-) :-) :-)

07 March, 2018 15:21  
Blogger Shaw Kenawe said...

One more comment: exuberant: A small insect which formerly provided transport -- masterful!

08 March, 2018 06:21  
Blogger Infidel753 said...

Thanks for the exuberant approval!

08 March, 2018 12:22  
Anonymous Burr Deming said...

Yeah. Exuberant was the best. Can't do it myself, but I'm kind of a sucker for this sort of thing.

09 March, 2018 10:46  

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