I've long been intrigued by the advice that women-oriented publications give their readers for dealing with men. When I saw the headline "Five dates that will drive him wild
", promising ideas for "truly guy-friendly get-togethers that might just make him fall for you, and fast", I immediately thought, "Let's see what their ideas are -- would they work with me
?" I'm not 100% typical -- who is? -- but I'm a guy. OK, here goes:1. Treat Him to a Manly Dish. Dainty morsels artfully arranged on a plate just won't cut it for your hungry man, so take him out for his favorite food — the kind he can eat with his hands. Barbecue sandwiches, ribs, burgers, and pizza are all palate pleasers for the testosterone-toting sex. Pick a place where you can get as sloppy as you want (bonus points for lustily licking your fingers)
Well, I don't eat any of those kinds of food, but certainly a lot of people do. There are a lot of men who genuinely prefer things like French or Thai food to burgers or ribs, though, so you're better off asking
the guy what "his favorite food" is. But wait a minute, what was that last part?bonus points for lustily licking your fingers
YUCK! I can't offhand think of anything
a woman could do while eating that would turn me off as quickly as this. Believe it or not, ladies, many of us did not
learn our table manners in a pigsty -- and it's a definite plus with us if you didn't either.2. Get on the Green. Book a few evening hours on a driving range and he'll feel luckier than Tiger Woods. Working up a sweat under the stars with you at his side ... it's hotter than anything the PGA has ever done. Don't be afraid to "putt" him in his place by wagering a bet that you can outdrive him. The loser has to soothe the winner's aching muscles
Personally I've never had any interest in sports of any kind. It's true that a lot of guys are
into sports, but golf? Surely a minority taste. Most guys who are into sports would probably prefer taking you out to a football or baseball game.3. Do a Dive-Bar Crawl. What guy doesn't feel right at home in a laid-back bar that's dark and has permanent patrons situated on the stools? Yes, you can suck it up at least once. By hopping from one lowbrow site to another, he can sample different brews, and fortunately for you, treating him to drinks all night won't break the bank
I've never been able to go to bars, because until recently they allowed smoking (and in most of the country they probably still do), but my impression is that they tend to be too noisy to talk in. Still, this might work for some men. Just don't expect much from him later on after all that drinking, in terms of coherent conversa-tion or otherwise. Large quantities of alcohol tend to "soften a guy up", if you get my drift.4. Kick It Up at a Carnival. Scope out a local amusement park on a brisk autumn night and pull a gallant role-reversal by winning him a prize at the dunking booth. Then let him cling to you on the wild roller-coaster rides. Sweeten the deal with fairground treats like fried dough and cotton candy, then top it off with a make-out ride on the Ferris wheel
Good advice, if you are Mary Kay Letourneau. I thought those places were for kids? Might appeal to some (adults), but you need to know beforehand whether he's one of them. Watch out if he shows too much enthusiasm for the dunking-booth idea.5. Be King and Queen of the Mattress. Have him put on his pj's (you wear a sexy nightie) and stay in bed the entire evening. You can play music, sip wine, eat takeout, rent movies, give each other massages, read him a book, and play video games (well, it is a date for him) — all in the sack. Warning: Boudoir-confined activity is highly addictive, so you may have trouble taking him out on the town again
OK, I'll give them that one. Skip the video games, though. Some of us are
over 15, even mentally.
Seriously, "how to handle men" advice has the same inherent flaw as "how to handle women" advice -- every person is different. But I'll give the author here credit for at least not taking the route that most women's-magazine advice about men seems to follow -- just telling the readers what they want to hear.